Blame Game (Diary page 6)
I woke up early in the morning with some serious stomach cramps. It was an indication that my periods are here again. I told Sameer about it as soon as he woke up. I could see the disappointment on his face. "Again?" He said.
I get it that he was disappointed- but so was I. What started as a simple update quickly became an unpleasant conversation.
It was my first day and I was not in a mood for any cross conversation, especially when it was none of my mistakes. So where was the problem? Him or Me? Well, we didn't know. It wasn't our intention to discuss that topic but somehow, we ended up doing so.
I burst into tears. Sameer very quickly realized and apologized for the argument. We were aware that healthy couples could take anywhere between the first try, or even months and months on end before they saw any positive results. But yet being hopeful is just so human, and thinking that we would be amongst those who conceive in the first couple of tries came naturally to us.
Keeping our lines of communication open and sharing our issues or frustrations is crucial for a healthy relationship. We confronted each other, and then hugged each other tightly. We reiterated that we are in this together. We will never think or behave like this again.
Sameer had an early client meeting so he left in a hurry without breakfast. I was still sitting on my bed with a cup of coffee gone cold, thinking about what went wrong. I have been calculating the date of ovulation and the fertile period for more than 3 months now. And yes! we have worked hard at it. We are both young, ok! Not so young, but we are still youthful, healthy and it should have worked.
I wonder if we should go for some extra tests or consultation. I know how Sameer would react if I were to ask him about these issues. I think it may be a better idea to speak with my Doctor than to think about these negative thoughts. Let me also call Sangi tomorrow and find out how to get it right. Could it be stress? There is just so much workload. With the new turnaround plan that Sameer helped me make for the Club and Resort, the workload has compounded. And it looks more tiring now!
Most of the time, I return home late at night. How is it supposed to happen? Babies don't like to follow deadlines as we do!
As I was about to get ready, mom called. She wanted me to get some fruits and vegetables on my way to work. She sensed in my voice that something was not right. She seems to be able to predict it so well each time. After all, she's my mother. I'm not sure if I should tell her or not. Maybe I should. She may give me some useful tips. Off to work now. Take your time my little angel!