My first ultrasound (Diary Page 9)
I got up early today. It had been raining since morning. I was very excited since we had to visit my doctor for my very first sonography!
"Eat faster!" I yelled at Sameer during lunch, as I couldn't control my anxiety about reaching the clinic on time while gobbling a bigger bite of roti and bhindi myself. Sameer just smiled, since he understood that I didn't want to be late even by a minute.
We reached the clinic on time, at 2, holding all the previous files.
My radiologist was empathetic enough to take my permission to use the transducer (or wand) that gets inserted between the legs, before the sonography to make me comfortable. He explained how the transducer picks up the echoes and translates them into the image of a baby that is then seen on the screen.
As I lay on the bed, my eyes were fixated on the screen. I could roughly see my baby for the very first time!. I was super excited. The radiologist began speaking in an even tone, " So, here are the four chambers of the hearth, two hemispheres of the brain, as well as the spine..." I was trying hard to follow him... But as much as I was excited, I was equally confused when Dr. started talking further. Sam was prompt enough to pick up my facial cues and asked Dr. to go a little slow.
Dr. pointed towards the other parts on the screen and continued explaining the medical terms as well as the normally understood terms. He asserted that everything was normal, but the reports would have further details, and that my gynaec will explain everything to me later.
When he finally said, 'Okay we are done.' I was a bit let down. It was as if I wanted to just keep looking at my baby. To wait and see it's every move inside my belly, you know- just like a 2-hour movie at least! It was a little annoying to remove the ultrasound gel from my belly but I was already imagining what the baby would look like next time.
I asked him the date for the next ultrasound and marked it on the calendar. After finishing the formalities, we went towards the car. It was still drizzling. Sameer was at the wheel and I was looking at the physical ultrasound copy that the clinic gave me. Barely 5 minutes must have passed, and the car bumped over a pothole. Within a nanosecond, I yelled at Sam without putting any thought to it that it wasn't his fault. It's the BMC to whom the blame goes. My morning newspaper had a headline saying, 'In the last month alone, potholes in Mumbai have claimed 6 lives. How many more?'
The visual of the headline and the visual of my sonography started merging into each other and I felt paranoia, which I have never felt before in my life. I started imagining how the potholes would have made my baby feel. Maybe it cringed inside. Maybe it turned to the other side. Maybe it also got scared.
In the next instant, I told Sameer to just let me drive. I got out of the car in the drizzle. Went towards his door, and asked him to swap. That day, I learned an important lesson.
-Get on the wheel and take control of your own life instead of blaming anyone else.